L-O-V-E aint all that junk that you see on T.V.

Because lately...
I just keep hearing people blame love..
but love doesn't walk away.

People do.





Sometimes I hate it when others say they have given up on love. I myself have said it a time or two. People say the phrase like they think love has hurt them, but in actuality, it was a person, a thing, a wrong decision, a bad mistake, an accident... and so on.

Although, I agree with not having someone say they love me unless they really mean it, because I might do something crazy like believe it. I mean, who wouldn't, if you're with someone in a committed relationship, more than likely wouldn't you think they were being sincere? It's hard not to actually fall in love with the idea of falling in love. It's every little girl's dream to one day be swept off their feet by some handsome fellow. I can remember day's of dreaming up idea's of how my knight and shining armor would come rescue me from my tower. It's quite funny to reminisce on actually.

An idea I like is the principle of having two loves in your life. The first love is the one that you think sweeps you off your feet, the one that you are so easy to fall head over heels for. You imagine your future with them, and have difficulty picturing that future without them in it, but then things go array. Everything is magic until it becomes routine, the little things they used to do to make you happy may fade, or even disappear. They begin to change the way you view yourself and the way you view the world around you. The facade of this perfect and ideal love is shifting it's shape into something new and unfamiliar to you. The feelings that you once had fade into something you did not expect, something you no longer enjoy, and as much as it pains you, you must sooner or later face that fact that the 'love' you once had is now gone. You may even begin thinking to yourself, "I'll be unhappy now, because it will make me happier later, because that's how the fairy tale story works." Staying with something in hopes of being happy later, but having no guarantees of that happiness is a sad excuse for not accepting the truth. I know this idea far too well.

When you are young it is said that everything feels like the end of the world, and usually once this love fades and breaks into little pieces that may be how you feel. It's hard to get rid of the empty void that was once filled with good times, romantic adventures, thoughts and moments surrounding the other. Every little thing has the potential of reminding you of the one you are trying so hard to forget, and it seems the harder you try the worse it becomes. And one of the things that will hurt the most is pretending that it doesn't hurt at all.

I'm not saying that one should not jump head first and take a chance on love because all relationships end this way, for that is not true. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. Wouldn't you much rather love than not love at all?

"If I have given my all and still do not win, I haven't lost. Others might remember the winning or the losing; I remember the journey."

You'll begin to move on, attempt to pick up the shambled pieces, but never are successfully able to do it entirely on your own, but it is greatly possible to become happy. You do not need a relationship to be happy, it's just nice to have one sometimes. It's nice to feel needed, loved, to have a hand to hold, and all of the above, but you can definitely get by satisfactorily or even joyfully without one. Happiness is something I believe can be created. It's not something that is just going to magically appear, you have to make it appear. Do the little things that make you smile. Dance in the rain, just because you can. Surround yourself by those that can make you laugh. Sing a song out of tune, just for the heck of it. Go on a road trip with no destination, just because you can. Remind yourself of all the wonderful blessings God create. Sleep outside under the stars.. and so on.

Don't sit back and miss out on life just because you want to still experience things with the one you loved. Show them, and more importantly, show yourself that you are a strong being and can make it through anything. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

Change is inevitable, people change, things change, we change. The moment we stop changing is the moment that are lives will be complete. We often just sit back and wait for change, but why wait when you can make some changes yourself? Just make sure the changes that you make are changes for the better, and if something isn't changing how you would like it to, change your view point on the situation.

On another thought, I should introduce you to the second love of your life. When it comes to true love and happiness, it can be looked at as a grand example of the waiting game. You aren't necessarily looking for them, that's the best part, the second love of your life is the one that is unexpected. Things will begin to click and fit together in ways that you thought you once knew, but could only imagine. You'll be afraid to let down the walls that you had previously built up, but the second person will be understanding and patient and carefully chisel the pieces of the wall down, bit by bit. Then slowly but surely they will begin to take all the little pieces of you that were broken and shattered once you had lost the first and carefully put them back together after. They make you regain faith in the silly little word called love. That's just what love is.. a silly little word.. that is, until you give the word meaning. The second love of you life will be the person that gives that word meaning.

If you really think about it, you can have many "first loves" in your life, but you will only have one true second love. It takes work, a lot of pain, difficult and lonely times to find your second love, but once you have found them, the strife of the first loves will be minuscule, and hidden within your past. You'll know longer worry about the what if's, or we should've done this, or could've done that, if it was meant to be with them it would happen. You wouldn't have such pain, or worries of it not working out.

With the second love you may face difficult times, but you get through those difficult times, you see the light shining through, very bright at the end of the tunnel.


It is written in the 13th chapter of 1st Corinthians, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.." and so on, and it is so very true! God has created a love for us that will surpass what we receive during the times with our firsts.

When you lose everything you want, you find the one thing you need.

This truly has been one big ramble of thoughts, I could continue on all day, but if so, I might as well just write a book!

I am going to end this with the following:
I watched you walk out of my life once more, and unlike before it did not make me bitter or cynical about love... but rather, it made me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, just imagine how beautiful it will be when the right one, my second, comes along. :)

Okay... Rant Begin.. ACTION!

Be prepared, the next excerpt from my life will be unlike the two previous postings, this is no way near completely how I am feeling at the current moment. Actually, just a small little piece, but it needs to get out, needs to be heard, whether someone really reads it or not.

You infuriate me, you really do. Here I am just getting back from a wonderful day at the pinnacles and all I can think about is how much of a sleazy liar you are. You were supposed to be MY friend. I have been there for you with so much, I thought you were there for me but obviously I was too stupid to actually give you the benefit of the doubt. I am feeling beyond betrayed. I really shouldn’t let this get to me, but it does, it has and will continue to do so until I can just get over the fact that you were never a true friend. Karma… oh, sweet, sweet karma, what comes around goes around. One day you will need me and I will NOT be there.

Okay, that isn’t true, because I can’t just abandon someone, no matter how horrible they treated me, sometimes it’s a tragic flaw, a blessing and a curse. At least I will have the ability to say that I never did what you have done. I just don’t understand you. I really should just step back from the situation as I have been doing… but it just gets really old.

You will learn the hard way someday, and I won’t allow myself to be there to pick the pieces up, I will want to, because that’s just who I am, but everything within me will fight not to. I see where your priorities lie. I don’t know why I ever inhabited mine with you.

Okay, Rant over. Annnnnd SCENE.

If blogs are supposed to be short snidbits of thought.. I have failed/

So who would’ve thought I’d actually follow through with the whole “making a blog for the heck of it,” thing, OR would’ve thought I’d find myself sitting here not even 12 hours later wanting to do this thing called blogging once more.. OH THE HUMANITY! :O I have yet to decide if this is going to be one of those blogs that have some sort of witty point, or discuss the latest topics in the world. I’m assuming not, which I’m fine with… I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of blogs similar to that… is just going to be… exactly what I named it! Haha, I knew I felt the name was right. These will just be rants of the heart’s desire, little moments and thoughts pertaining to my life captured in one collective writing.

As I type this I am unsure what I want to share with whoever happens to stumble upon my blog, but if the individual that does were truly intelligent, they would begin to pick up on the little things that lie within these mere words, see past what I presenting but see the meaning behind it. No worries, I’ve yet to figure out the meaning of this one as well. I’m probably not making any sense at the current moment but that tends to happen to those who are sleep deprived.


I’m excited for the activities that are on my agenda today, for I am going hiking at the Pinnacles in Berea. It’s a beautiful place to be, surrounded by nothing but nature. It’s quite the piece of work to get through but I believe it is completely worth it in the end. You feel somewhat of accomplishment when you finally reach the destination of the top and can look out over the ledge and see nothing but a beautiful view surrounding you. It makes you forget about all of the trouble you may have had getting there, but for that one little moment, everything is just fine. I like the idea of being separated of the daily worries of my life, even if it is just for a small moment, to enjoy the wonders of God’s creation and beauty. I have never been on the trail that we are going today, but from pictures I can just imagine how it will be, the view is going to be simply breath taking, and I can’t wait!

Another thing I can’t wait for is camp. I have exactly one week until camp begins, and I am thrilled. Camp is something that is been in my life since I was 8 years old; I have so many memories surrounding camp and hold them very dear to my heart. I am excited for the bonds that will be made, bonds that aren’t made with just the fellow staffers, but the closer bond that I will have to God. Going to college changes things a lot, puts a new perspective on your world. Sometimes, no matter how strong you think you are, how long you’ve gone to church, how often you pray… you can still fall to the temptations of this world. That’s normal, no one is asking you to be perfect, and if they are they need to take a glance in the mirrors at themselves. The whole point of this is that I miss being on that level with someone, having that close bond. Knowing that no matter what may happen I have someone there for me that loves me wholly for who I am. Not for whom I am not. It excites me, and I can’t wait to spend time with the campers, the whole week we spend our time becoming close to them, hopefully impacting them for the better.

I’ve realized that if blogs are supposed to be short, snidbits of thought, then I have surely failed, but you know what? I’m okay with that. This is one thing I don’t mind to fail at. It’s good to get ones thoughts out of your mind, although that just leaves room for more to come. My mind constantly spins with thought, sometimes it’s the same thoughts over and over, but other times it’s something different than the norm and I like it. A good example of that would be oregano… but for anyone who doesn’t know the meaning of what was meant of that word… you shall never know!

I suppose I am going to start preparing for the day, but before I do I will share a GMH. By the way, the one from yesterday was one that I wrote about my mother. ;)

I was on my way home from a difficult day at work and sat at a stop light crying,

I looked over and this little old man with a cowboy hat was singing country.

That alone brought a smile to my face but when he looked at me and saw my tears he pretended to lasso and pull me in.

Cute old men who know exactly what a girls dream man would do GMH.

Give me hope. An attempt at this thing called blogging.

Sometimes I think I should start a blog, but I never follow through with that decision. I often begin typing in a word document, just as I am now, attempting to put all of my thoughts in one collective writing. I can just imagine how they travel from my brain, through my body out my finger tips, gracefully etching them out onto the computer screen, but then the thoughts begin pouring out even faster. They begin clouding my mind, attacking the pathway that was one smooth and free flowing, but is now resembling something similar to what one might see when thinking of a corroded artery, or even easier to imagine, an ever increasing in speed game of Tetris. Think about it now, how in the beginning the pieces fall slowly making it easy to fit together, but in no time they begin to pile up making it difficult to continue on, even frequently causing the game to end. Thus, this is what happens when I begin to blog. I get sidetracked too often than not, or I can’t fully express how I feel and become frustrated with the fact that it can be difficult to get my point across.

Then there is another roadblock that hinders me from successful blogging… the fact that I have A.D.D. flowing through my mentality almost every second of the day, which includes when I am sleeping. Let’s not touch the subject of my dreams at this current point in time though, for that would take far too much time than what I am willing to spend attempting to explain.

I am not quite so sure why I am typing right now, or what my whole purpose of this festivity could be… I suppose I just need to talk, which I haven’t verbally done all day, minus asking my father one question. It can be quite depressing at times, but if people only knew that I often go for such long periods of time before truly talking to someone maybe they would understand why sometimes I have so much to say.

Alas, I once again have become distracted… by one of the biggest distractions of all time.. Le Facebook.. go figure… Call me Mr. Facebook, I can make your grades drop… and make your dog go unfed… and your computer die a slow and painful death… and your eyes hurt for staring too long… and so many other innumerable travesties.

Anywho, doing this now reminds me of how I used to wanted to be writer when was younger, but then I came across the realization that I don’t even have any excellent capabilities when comes to writing. Also, there is a part of me that only truly enjoys writing when it is done at a period of time that I want to do it. I have to be in the mood to write, and when I was younger that was all the time. It’s strange to have that craving once again. I hope it stays, but honestly there is no telling with me.

I haven’t decided yet whether or not I am actually going to post this, I kind of don’t even care if anyone reads it, but deep down there is a part of me that hopes I do post this and continue to post it. I hope that maybe one day something I write will touch the life of another. I mean, that is a goal that I think everyone should make for them self… do something within your life that affects someone positively. Give a flower to someone with a hurting heart, listen to someone who is in need of a friend, and lend a helping hand to a person who is struggling…

I suppose what has gotten me into the whole kick of writing again has been the website www.givesmehope.com. It truly touches me; it’s the type of inspiration I have been yearning for. If you haven’t seen it then the best suggestion that I have for you would be to stop what you are doing an go and read it right this instant! What you will read on that site can touch you far more easily than anything I am attempting to say.

I should probably end this cluster of thoughts I am titling a blog, for who would want to read so much nonsense anyhow, and make a blog account! Oh, haha, silly me…

Here is a GMH that is personal to me:

Reading the stories on this site remind me of how when I was little my mom always gave me money for offering, even though we could barely pay the bills for ourselves.

She would always tell me "because there is always someone worse off than you."

selfless moms like her GMH.