Day 5: About your friends. "It takes work."

Have you ever felt like the more you give, the more people take from you? I can say with great confidence that this is one of the worst feelings in the world. You give and give and give, your time, energy, thoughts, actions, and all people do is take and take and take, leaving with nothing in return. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you should give something with the thought of assuming you deserve something in return, this isn’t necessarily what I mean. What I am attempting to say is that you can’t let people run over you and people shouldn’t think that just because you are always there mean they can take you for granted... I allow this to happen far more often than I should.

It down right sucks to be perfectly honest. I feel that I truly only have a very few number of real friends. I know ALL friends argue, and ALL friends have their disagreements, but when it happens with the same people over and over again, it just gets old and redundant. Backstabbing is something that truly shows the character of a person. Someone who gets mad at you for nothing is not a friend. Someone who automatically starts drama or yells at you is not a friend. Someone who is only your friend when they’re other friends are made at them isn’t a true friend. Someone is not your friend if they never take fault for ANYTHING, or automatically assumes that they are right and never in the wrong. Someone is not your friend if they are constantly belittling you to make themselves feel better, or use you to get things out of you. Someone is not a friend if they don’t know how to give space, or if they don’t understand that sometimes you just need a comforting word, or a hug and things will be so much better. That’s not written to anyone specifically, but if you feel as if you fall into one of those categories, maybe you should reevaluate your relationships and friendships.

Basically, why should you surround yourself by those who take you for granted?? That’s right, you shouldn’t! There’s no point in causing yourself that pain, because it’s merely self-inflicted if you sit there and stay with those who make you feel so poorly about yourself. (Same go to relationships…) You only have one life to live, and it most definitely shouldn’t be spent worrying about what those who dislike you have to say, or let their antics bother you. What they don’t realize is that they too are wasting their time. We have been blessed with one life to live, and spending it on such negative energy is just silly and unwanted.

I have told this to numerous people, I’m constantly telling people to look up in life, and that all that has passed has passed and we have a fresh start each day. The thing is, it’s so hard for me to take this advice. It takes work that’s a definite, but I’d rather put forth the effort to strive towards happiness than wallow in self-pity. Happiness is something that DOES TAKE WORK. I cry so much these days it’s insane. Like now, I don’t even know why I am crying, but here I sit in the booth as these tears are starting to seep from my eyes. My flaw is that I simply care too much. I really do want the best for everyone, and try my best to be a good friend, and then the people I care about the most are the people that hurt me the most. It’s been that way the majority of my life.

Now, I’m NOT saying that if you have an argument with a friend that you shouldn’t make up, for that’s simply not true. Forgiveness is something that I think all people need to have more of in their life, myself included. I am in no way innocent of anything I have discussed, and I don’t want people to assume that is what I’m saying, it’s simply not true. What I am saying though, is that we all shouldn’t be so quick to judge, angered if you don’t know what’s going on, or insensitive to someone’s pain. Or ban up against someone just because you like gossip, or like to be mad, or like to have something to do, that’s not a way to live.

All and all though, I suppose I can’t necessarily tell you HOW to live; I can just tell you my opinion of living. Everyone is going to make decisions for themselves, and I can’t do it for them. I guess all of this was just to help me get some of my thoughts out.

Shelby, I love you, and I just want you to know that I’m glad you’re my friend. You deserve so much more than what you receive sometimes, and you let things get to you too much as I do and I wish you didn’t. I don’t like it when you feel pain as similar to mine because no one deserves that.

Brittany, I don’t understand what’s going on with us, all I can say is you have your own life to live and I just want you to have the best. You know that I’m here for you always. Thank you for all you have done for me.

Sarah, you are such an amazing friend. I don’t know what I would do without you. You have the other half of my soul in the friend department. You’re there for me when no one else is. You’re the only one who understands how it feels to truly feel low and not know what to do to get out of it. I love you and I thank God to have you in my life.

Beth, I miss you so much. I can’t wait until you come here Saturday. It’s been far too long since I have seen you. You help remind me that one day I will defy gravity. This summer was definitely a summer of healing and I’m glad you were apart of that.

Rachel… you understand me and get me. You are my silly bwwwwwitch of a friend, and some of my best memories from the past two years have been with you.  Let’s go make babies now. Haha just kidding!

I could go on for a very long time, but that will get me no where.

I leave you with this…


Today I was feeling extremely depressed.

I felt like no one cared about me or wanted to talk to me. I felt alone.

And then a random friend messaged me on Facebook.

He told me not to worry that everything would be okay.

Random reassurance at a time most needed, GMH.